was she naive or just care LESS and completely selfish? thanks for making me question my grandma, amanda!

my grandma was wrong AGAIN. i've been using my CPAP and i remember how she used to always rave about how she wanted me to get a CPAP because it helped her sleep so well and i wouldn't be as tired anymore. i wear the CPAP when i can't fall asleep and i need to wake up for an appointment in the morning (which is frequent), i don't use my CPAP all the time particularly because the stupid thing causes my nose to turn red.. i've told the people at the sleep store about how it makes my nose red and they switched the mask i have on the CPAP, yet it STILL causes my nose to turn red. i wore it last night because i had TWO job interviews today and i wanted as much rest as possible for the interviews.. the fucker didn't help me fall asleep- so after about 30-45 minutes, i threw the mask off and just fell asleep naturally i think within 15 minutes or so. the cpap is just one of the things my grandma lied to me in life so far, she used to always say, "WHEN I DIE- AMANDA WILL GET YOU LIVING IN NEW YORK! she knows the game plan and she has so many plans for you like helping you get your driver's license and a vehicle you can drive!".. if amanda's defense to why she hasn't helped me is because i won't go back to courage kenny- I'VE WENT BACK TO THAT DAMN WASTE OF SPACE THREE OR FOUR TIMES WITH HOPES I GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE BACK AGAIN AND I EVEN TOLD THEM THAT I WANTED TO GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE AGAIN WHEN I FIRST STARTED GOING THERE IN MY "GOALS" BOOK I MADE WHEN I WAS FIRST ATTENDING THAT SHIT, THEY STILL FAILED ME EVERY FUCKING TIME I TOOK THE BEHIND-THE-WHEEL TEST WITH THE COMMENT "NEEDS MORE THERAPY". i'm not fucking wasting my time ANYMORE with hopes of getting my damn driver's license again. i've paid for NUMEROUS BEHIND-THE-WHEEL LESSONS and the bastards STILL failed me. they just revealed your LACK of care and respect for me along with played you with those stupid lies telling you they'd help me get my driver's license again i'm sure (especially since your sister-in-law happens to be a cooliez therapist there!). i also just remembered that i'm probably wasting my time typing this blog entry out because YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME. if you and the rest of my family even gave a trace of care about me- you'd be helping me so that i'm more capable of doing everything i'm REALLY capable of doing and what I TRULY want for myself. NOT what makes YOU appear as if you actually care about me. same with my mom. she's just obsessed with me going back to courage kenny, so i can appear disabled like her and depend on other people to help me- whether i TRULY need it or not. if my family ACTUALLY cared about me- they'd be helping me so that i'm able to do EVERYTHING i'm capable of doing- so my mental health is actually healthy. i learned why my heart fluttered so much when i lived in burnsville and it was to the point where i had to be rushed to the emergency room a couple times. the anxiety was getting to my heart while being forced not to progress in life the way I wanted- so my heart started fluttering because of the anxiety. i just hope that doesn't start to happen here because my lack of progressing with MY life- license wise mostly. when i was in the car accident i was in, i DON'T remember ANY of my family sitting next to me in the car during the accident. I deal with the consequences of MY life- YOU DON'T. i've gotten myself this far and you better believe i'm NEVER returning to where or what i used to do. it doesn't say ANYBODY but MY own name on MY birth certificate. worry about yourself. you're just wasting your time stalking what i do when you could actually be doing something beneficial for your own damn lives. it just shows your complete and utter LACK of care and respect for ME.